Wrestling in the Night

Here's a link to this week's podcast: https://whengodstoopsdown.podbean.com/e/genesis-22-wrestling-with-god/

*Note: I don't always align my blogs with the subject of my weekly podcast, but this was a subject that I had prayed over extensively as I wrestled with God myself. In fact, this blog was written many months ago, left untouched and rediscovered as I reread the story of Jacob for my podcast. So, this week, our podcast and the blog align. I pray that as you read and listen to both, you would see a heart of God after your own.

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Left alone in his camp, God came and wrestled with Jacob until daybreak (Genesis 32:24-29).

“You just have to make it until April.” I whispered this phrase over and over to myself. For many reasons, it felt like I was in the winter season of my life. My husband and I were in a “winter season” financially and I knew spring would potentially be a busier season for our brand-new business. The idea that spring was coming was often all that kept me moving forward.

The prayer I prayed for spring was uttered so many times that fall and winter of 2019. Little did I know what the spring of 2020 would bring. Yes, April came, but it was the April of all Aprils.

April brought Covid, of course. Our financial situation didn’t get better as businesses everywhere had to close. I also lost my sister, my best friend, to cancer that April.

I was absolutely devastated. Even spring had evaded me. I needed all my emotions to go somewhere, so I heaped them on the Lord. He had always been a faithful, loving Father, so despite my grief and anger, I did the only thing I knew to do. I held onto Him and I didn’t let go. I wrestled with the Lord.

There is another who wrestled with the Lord many, many years before me. Jacob also wrestled with the Lord. In Genesis 32 we read that, “God came and wrestled with Jacob until daybreak.” Here’s the beautiful truth in this story… Jacob didn’t go to God and grab Him. God went to Jacob, ready to be grabbed. God went and met Jacob in his need.

I discovered that God loves me enough to let me wrestle with Him. Jacob, much like myself, begged for blessings in a desperate time.  I didn’t get the answers I was looking for, but the blessing wasn’t in the answers, anyway. The gift itself was being near to God. Wrestling is a contact sport! You cannot wrestle with someone without being extremely close to them.

Wrestling well means not letting go, even when you’re tired and discouraged. I cried the whole time I was in church, but I went anyway, just to be near to God’s people. I slept with my Bible just to remind myself in the night that the Lord was nearby. I prayed constantly, and for the first time in 40 years, I read my Bible all the way through.

I walked away from my wrestling absolutely exhausted. But I felt stronger emotionally, thankful to know that the Lord is stronger than I.

Like Jacob, daybreak did come for me. Your daybreak will come for you too. But, while you’re in the thick of the night, hold on to Jesus. Beg to know His name and feel His nearness. He is o.k. with your wrestling. He can handle your hurts and heartaches, your questions and even your anger. He is stronger than we will ever be.

I am thankful for a God who is not distant, but who comes near to us. We do not have to reach for Him in our night, He is already there, waiting on us to acknowledge His presence. He reaches out to us first. Reach back. Feel His touch and acknowledge His presence.

God’s personal touch is one of my favorite things about Him. I pray you feel His personal touch in whatever hour you are in.

If the wrestling isn’t going well, keep hanging on. Keep seeking His presence, keep begging to hear His name, keep clinging to His Word until you have a break in your night. When the morning comes, you will know you too have been in the presence of the Almighty.